When I learned that I was becoming a parent, one of the first things that I did was create a mental list of all of the dreams that I would have to give up in order to take care of my child:

  1. Law school.
  2. Running for public office.
  3. Launch my own business.

These were the sacrifices that I THOUGHT I would have to make because society encourages parents to let go of dreams, ESPECIALLY single parents. As you know, I ended up doing all of these things. I will be the first person to tell you that you don’t have to give up your dreams in order to raise a child. It took me about a year to really figure this out and it wasn’t a realization that I came to without help. The key is to modify the road to your dreams NOT demolish it and NOT defer it. It’s obvious what happens to a dream demolished, what will happen to a dream deferred is unpredictable, but a dream modified, that is something to work with.

A Happy Parent Makes a Happy Kid

I’d estimate that the majority of parents have jobs that they don’t enjoy and that a portion of those parents have jobs that they hate. (This estimate is based on the fact that 70% of Americans don’t like their job.) These parents started their job because they just needed an income so that they could keep a roof over their child’s head. They remained at the job because after hours of doing something that they hate, the last thing that they want to do when they get home is something else that’s unenjoyable, like looking for a job. (Personally, when I get home, I just want to spend time with my daughter before it’s bed time.)

A Dream Modified

NEVER stop working towards your dreams. As long as you keep putting one foot in front of the other, you will continue to progress. Whether that means taking one online course a semester, spending one hour a day working on your business plan, or applying for one career of your dreams every week, you are moving forward. Sometimes knowing that one day you will accomplish your dream is enough to make you happy and keep you from feeling physically and mentally drained. Start by figuring out what it is that you WANT to do. This first step takes NO effort. You just have to remember who you are because you are not your job and a lot of times we forget that.

Don’t look for a job become an entrepreneur.

I know, the last thing that think you want to do when you get home from work, is work some more. But you’ll be surprised when you realize that doing something that you love, doesn’t feel like work. When you’re awake until 4am, on a week day, knowing that you have to be at work in 4 hours, filling up the final container for the order of the specialty gelato that you’ve created, and you have a smile on your face, you will know that you have made it.

You will work long hours if you decide to launch your own business and you might trade in a boss for a board member. But as long as you don’t forget that being your own boss isn’t necessarily about not having someone telling you what to do, but about finally having the ovaries to follow your dreams, you’ll make it through the tough times.

Don’t look for a Job find a career.

Simply looking for a new job is a waste of time. Moving from one place that you hate to another place that you hate, won’t make you happy. Working shorter hours or having a different supervisor isn’t necessarily going to change anything either. If the hate of your job stems from the fact that you aren’t doing what you’ve always wanted to do, then no matter where you work you’ll find something that makes you miserable there. Determine what it is that you can do every day, for 8 hours, and enjoy, then figure out how to do it.

My Journey

After getting pregnant in college, my mom dropped out of school, moved to a new state, and struggled for the rest of her life as a single mom. I spent most of my childhood believing that my mom didn’t like me. I thought that because she gave up her dreams in order to raise me. She was unhappy and that made me unhappy. This is not a path that I would recommend for anyone.

Difficult Choices

I am a single mom and a licensed attorney that graduated from a prestigious university. I have no desire to sit behind a computer and spend 80+ hours a week figuring out how to help corporations crap on the little guy. So what did I decide to do? Launch a business. When I told my friends and family and even strangers, they stared at me in disbelief. I heard all kinds of criticism.

  1. Why would you spend all of that time in law school then do something that has nothing to do with law?
  2. Why would you take a risk like that when you are perfectly capable of working for someone else and making a ton of money?
  3. You’re too old to be taking risks like that.
  4. Focusing full-time on growing a business? That sounds like a good idea. (Awkward smile, avoidance of eye contact.)
  5. You work full time then go home and spend your off time business planning. You need to spend more time enjoying yourself.

The list goes on, but what all of these people were really asking me is, “Why don’t you just stick to the status quo? You can take risks after you retire.” The reality is, I only get one life and I don’t know when it will end. So I’ve chosen to make the most of it. I launched my own business AND have a career that allows me to help the little guy. I can keep a roof over my child’s head AND do what makes me happy.

Be happy today, don’t wait until tomorrow to follow your dreams. You may not make it.

Written by

Momma T

I am a single mom, a Naval Officer, and an attorney. I had my daughter during my second year of law school. With a baby on my hip, I pushed through the last year of school, passed the bar, and decided to run for Congress. One day my phone rang and I was told that I would be deploying for a year and I would have to leave my daughter behind.

So, after three deployments, one and half years of living overseas, and four and half years of driving both an aircraft carrier and an amphibious helicopter carrier, I would say good-bye to my little one, drop out of my Congressional race, and once again put on my marching boots.