Last week I got on a plane and flew back to America. The plane out of Ethiopia had crashed only a week before but knowing that all of the faulty planes were grounded made a little less shaky. (Just a little.) It didn’t prevent me from dreaming that the plane was crashing…
Preparing to Take-off
Guess Who's Back
Everyone keeps asking me how it feels to finally be home, but I’m not home, not yet. They say that home is where your heart is, well, my heart is with my little girl and she’s still 300 miles away from me. Yes, I could have someone bring her to me, but it wouldn’t be fair to her if I still have to leave her every day and only see her for a couple of hours. When I return to her, I want to be back for good. I want to spend as much time as she wants with her.
My daughter knows that I’m supposed to come home in April. So each time that I get on the phone with her, she asks where I am. The first time that she asked, I was in the airport.
“Mommy, where are you?”
“The airport.”
“Where are you going?”
“I’m leaving deployment, it’s almost over.”
After being grilled for another minute or so, I changed the subject. She keeps scanning the room behind me to see if she can get any more information about where I am. It sucks to be this close and not be with her.
One of the most difficult aspects of my current situation is the complete lack of a timeline. Every part of my timeline and schedule is up in the air. I don’t even have an estimate of when I will be able to go home.
How am I Feeling
My emotions are very mixed right now. My entire life has changed, nothing is the same. Stability is not something that I have in my corner and I’m completely ok with it.
I have a 3 year old who has lived with another person for the past year. Her caregiver and I have completely different parenting styles, what if she wants to go back to him?
My daughter has been in school for the last year and when we move to our new house, she won’t go back to school until the fall. I asked her if she was alright with this and she responded with an exaggerated, “No school!!!??” Afterwards, she laughed and said that she was just kidding.
I will be launching a new business when I finally get home. This is something that I’ve wanted to do for a very long time, but was afraid of taking the risk. As a 32 year old woman, you can imagine how crazy it looks for me to decide to take the leap now, but if not now when?
I will be moving into a new house, in a new state, and I’ve never even been to the area before. I selected the home and neighborhood based on the quality of the school district. Risky, I know.
I will be beginning a new job with the reserves. I have arranged to begin a new job with NATO and will have the opportunity to travel across Europe and gain new insight into the international community.
Wish Me Luck
All of these new changes seem somewhat overwhelming for some, but for me, it’s exciting. I’m looking forward to beginning my new life, but before I can get started, I have to wait on this little thing called a DD214. I’m almost out of patients, wish me luck.
