Marsha
A nice warm shower is the perfect end to a long tiring day. I wonder if I should cut back on my hours now that Jamal isn’t here to watch the kids. All of this working reminded me of right after I gave birth to Nevaeh.
My mom was excited about her first grandbaby, only after she was born. She would babysit after she got off of work so that I could go to work at a factory. I didn’t want my daughter being held by that backstabbing hypocritical woman, but I had no other option. How could she judge me so harshly when she got knocked up with me at the same age? She would take care of Nevaeh at night but I had to take her back the second that I got off. With Max being locked up I got really lonely, and since I spent all of my time at work or taking care of the baby, all I had was an empty void. The only thing that kept me going was that little baby in my arms, I sang her my sorrows to put her to sleep, “Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high…”
That was not much different than what I have now, I guess. There’s still this bareness inside that I just can’t seem to fill. I try to block the feeling by working double shifts every day and staying busy, but at the end of the day, when I’m all alone, it still haunts me.
I wasn’t looking forward to lying in my bed. It makes me remember all of the bruises on my body. When I’m walking around all day I only feel aches, but when I lay down, all I feel is pain. Fucking Jamal. Once drinking five shots of the old Captain before coming home wasn’t enough to numb out the beatings, he had to go. Plus, I know it isn’t healthy for my kids to see and hear him beating me up all of the time. Kids develop disorders over less.
Nevaeh
It sounds like she came in alone. If she didn’t I would have heard things breaking instead of the shower running. I would go check but I don’t wanna walk in on anything. If he is here they could be having a good night and I wouldn’t want to see that disgusting animal on top of my mom. I hated that look in his eyes.
I prayed for God to send me my period after that first time so he couldn’t come get me anytime he wanted. He answered my prayers. It was the only thing that kept him from doing what he pleased. But two months ago, or was it three, either way, it stopped coming. I read that when a girl is really stressed her period stops coming. I was working on being calmer before my mom kicked Jamal out of the house. Thank God she did. I was waking up in the morning so afraid of him that I would throw up. Now that he’s gone I can work on lowering my stress and getting back to normal.
Junior
I was ready for him tonight. I got a butterfly knife from one of my friends the day after my mom threw Jamal out. He was lucky. The only reason I didn’t have it for his last night here was because James forgot to steal it from his brother. I swear I would’ve made Jamal feel the pain that he inflicted on my mom every night. And lucky for us, we lived in just the right kind of neighborhood where we’d be guaranteed a couple of days before the cops even showed up. My friend didn’t think that I would have the guts to do it. But I already knew the truth. The only thing that stopped me from killing him all of those other nights was the fact that he was about twice my size. I may only be ten but I’m a ten year old gangster and there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for my mom and sisters, nothing.
I opened the door slowly and slipped into the hallway. I tried to move as quietly as I could along the creaky floor. I was a Native American sneaking up on my prey. I remember being told in class that they walked on the balls of their feet so as little weight as possible would be on the ground. This helped them move faster and more silently while they hunted. Well, now I was the hunter and letting my prey escape me was not an option. A light was coming from underneath the bathroom door, it was him, I knew it was. I could smell his after shave in the air. This was going to be his last night torturing my family. I wasn’t gonna give him any time to see me coming. As soon as he opens the bathroom door he’s going to meet my little friend.
Sasha
I heard Junior slip into the hallway. I couldn’t figure out why he would want to go looking for Jamal. Mom and him were obviously not fighting so why would he want to make the beating start?
I jumped up when I heard a scream coming from the hallway. I had gotten so used to hearing this sound over the past few months and remaining still, I don’t know why this time was any different. Maybe because it was a higher pitch than normal, maybe because I heard Junior yell too, or maybe because the screams weren’t accompanied by the usual deep yelling voice of Jamal. I was still afraid to come out of my room, so I just laid there with tears running down my face. I could feel a warm trickle streaming down my leg transforming into a cold pool on my bed. I can’t believe this is happening again. Why couldn’t the last time be enough?