Prelude to Darkness
Nevaeh
It’s not true what they say about your life flashing before your eyes at the end. Or maybe it is and I just don’t know it because I’m not there. As I lay on the cold concrete feeling my body being engulfed by a warm fluid, that’s the only thought that popped into my head. The flashback, where was mine? It was weird, I could hear everything and yet nothing at the same time. I heard the tires screech as the car sped away. The terrified screams of the witnesses filled the air. It all seemed so distant, like it was happening to someone else.
I know the bullets were meant for my brother, but they got both of us. Eventually, I heard the sirens of the ambulance; they took their sweet time getting here. I wish I could say that I was in excruciating pain, but I didn’t feel anything. Was that the cue? Is this what happens instead of the flashback of my life? The numbness? It slowly travelled across my body.
The world seemed a blur as they loaded us onto the ambulance. Yes the ambulance. I guess they didn’t want to risk sending more than one out here. There was always a fear that maybe the ambulance would end up getting shot up too. Funny, the thoughts that cross through your mind at the end.
The paramedics quickly hooked us up to the machines. I could hear our two heartbeats. He was terrified. I could tell because his heart was beating so much faster than my own. The EMT’s were so much more worried about his life than they were for mine. He was all that they were talking about.
I attempted to switch my focus away from their words. I knew that his certain fate was only going to lessen my desire to live without him. I closed my eyes, against the recommendation of my caretakers, and honed in on the sound of the life saving equipment being tossed around as we travelled down the pot-hole ridden street. Each sound reassured me that I was still alive, for now.
Then I heard them, “We’re losing him! We’re losing him!” I was violently yanked back into the realities of our circumstance. The heartbeat that once raced from excitement had now become a simple slow inconsistent beep on the machine. “Beep beep,” two seconds passed, “beep beep.” Then came the dreaded sound, the one from all of the movies and TV shows. That never ending sound that seems to go on forever in your mind. When you flat line, when he flat lined, that was it for me. I knew that sound meant that his heart had stopped and a strange feeling of relief came over me. He deserved it, he ruined our lives. There was no attempt to resuscitate, no sound of a defibrillator charging.
And that’s when it happened, the flashback that I so feared. The flashback that I thought was not going to come. Was this the end for me too?