Mr. Tollin
9/20
So, my therapist tells me that I have an intimacy problem, that I, “don’t trust anyone enough to share my inner self with them.” Well, that would definitely explain the divorce. Anyway, the therapist told me that I should try a journal. Said it was a way for me to get what’s on my mind, off of it so that I can relieve stress.
I didn’t clarify before, I’m not actually divorced, yet. The wife is just in the process of leaving me. She’s actually been in the process for about a year, we’re simply closer to “the end” now than we were at the beginning. I’ve always been the same guy. I don’t like to argue, I don’t let people see me upset, and I definitely don’t respond to screaming. My ex despised all of these things. She thought that marriage was going to change the way that I behaved. I assured her that it wouldn’t, she tried to call my bluff. After almost seven combined years of courtship and marriage, she finally caught on. That’s when the divorce process started.
I suppose some people would blame me for our failed marriage saying I could have tried harder. Why would I try to change who I am? If she didn’t like the person that laid in bed beside her, she should have found someone else to share her bed.
As for me, I’m a creature of habit, she became part of that habit, so naturally I wanted to keep her around so as to not rock the boat. Of course, I love her, in my own way. But she wanted me to love her in her way. Always wanting me to hold her hand, make comments about the minuet changes to her hair or wardrobe, tell her how much I love her every damn second of the day, shit like that. Not gonna happen.
Never understood why women need to hear that shit all of the time anyway. I was there wasn’t I? If I didn’t care I would have stopped coming around. There’s a song, I can’t remember the damn name of it, but it talks about how the woman doesn’t even want to hear the guy say that he loves her but wants his actions to tell her. I swear, women don’t know what they want. One day, all they want you to do is hold their hand in public. Next thing they want you to twirl their hair while you’re out at dinner. Then they don’t want a wedding, just a ceremony at the court house. Next thing you know you’re getting cursed out for not pronouncing your love for her to the world at a huge wedding. If that’s love, fuck it, they can have it. I remember the song now, “More Than Words.” No, I don’t listen to that song voluntarily. My mom used to play it all the time when I was a kid. Probably one of those subtle message’s wives send to their husbands instead of just saying the fucking words to them. You know what I mean, those messages that they get pissed about you not picking up on because they were so obvious. News flash bitch, humans started talking so they could communicate and not rely on smoke signals and shit. Men aren’t mind readers.
Personally, I don’t believe that I have a stress issue or an intimacy problem. It’s women who have the problem. The sooner they realize that men can’t read minds, the sooner we can all just be happy. Since all that men want to do is take care of their families and all that women want to do is figure out how to say shit without saying shit, I guess we’re all up the creek without a fucking paddle.