Dear Ellie,
I asked Uncle Vaughn to send me a picture of you every morning and to record you from time to time so that I can see you more. I hope that your busy life is keeping your mind off of me. You’re starting to like school more and more. Uncle Vaughn says that you’re having cheerful days every day. I’m glad that you’re getting used to being there. When I called a few days ago you showed me a picture that you had drawn. You just said, “Hi Mommy! Look!”
When you called me tonight, Nanna was at the house. Instead of talking to me, you wanted to watch the videos of me reading you a book. You kept hanging up on me while trying to find the right videos. You eventually found them and I eventually called Uncle Vaughn’s phone so that I could watch you watching me. As soon as you found the video you said, “Mommy!” and smiled. After a while you started crying because you wanted to play on Uncle Vaughn’s phone, so I just called you back on your Kindle.
You laid in your crib as I read you Love You Forever. We didn’t get through the whole thing. When I sang to you, you asked Nanna to pat your back and hold your hand. You were very happy until she left to go to the bathroom. Then you started crying and calling her. I tried to calm you, but it didn’t really work. I kept telling you that she was going to come right back. After she was in the bathroom for a while, you calmed down and let Uncle Vaughn cover you with the blanket. I’m not sure if it was because you accepted that she was going to come back or if it was because you gave up on the idea that she was coming back. I finished singing to you and told you goodnight. You didn’t say anything. I said it again and you softly said, “Mommy,” softly. I told you that I loved you and said night night. I gave you kisses. You said, “Mommy,” quietly again, but nothing else. I told you that I loved you and said goodbye. You didn’t respond. Know that I’ll always love you, even when you’re mad at me.
My Heart is Yours,
Mommy